A little thing I wrote some years ago and added to recently, based on the antics of my three cats.
So, in memory of Timothy and Jasmine, and in honor of my present cat, Millie, I give you:
KITTY PLEDGE
I will not stare at the dog while he's eating to make him eat so fast he chokes.
I will not run wildly through the house, chasing imaginary prey. Especially not at .
I will not hide behind the sofa when I am about to throw up.
I will not throw up in the car.
I will not scootch my bottom along the carpet to get rid of hangers on - or even to scratch an itch.
I will not unroll and shred the toilet paper.
I will allow my humans to cuddle me when they feel the need, without resorting to my "dead cat" routine, or acting as if I can't breathe.
I will cover my poop and not scratch the side of the pan, the wall, the floor and everywhere except my sand.
I will not drag dirty socks and underwear into the living room, especially not when company is present.
I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my paw into her eye, biting her feet, or walking on her stomach.
I will not secretly annoy the dog until he barks and chases me, just to see the humans yell at him.
When in my carrier, I will sit quietly and not wail like a banshee for the entire trip.
I will not drop golf tees, paper wads, or toy mice into shoes.
I will not use my human's lap as a launching pad for my panic attacks when the doorbell rings, the street sweeper goes by or the dog barks - especially not if the human is wearing shorts.
I will remember that the dog is not a trampoline and his ears are not there for me to chew on.
I will not chase Mom down the hall and bite her ankles when she's going to bed instead of to the kitchen.
I will not jam my favorite mouse under the stove, then meow till someone gets it - or if I do, I won't do it again five minutes after it has been retrieved.
I will not scratch the sofa, the chair, the bookcases, the door frames, the piano or the carpets.
I will not eat plants, and I will not tip over flowers in vases.
I will remember it is a big, scary world outside and will not try to leave the house at every opportunity.
If I do accidentally get outside, I will return promptly to my back steps, not hide in the neighbor's bushes and watch while my mom wanders the neighborhood rattling my treat can and calling for me.
I will wear a collar and ID tag with grace and style, instead of hooking my lower jaw on it and gagging until it is removed.
I will show my humans some affection—even when they don't have food I want.
I will be gracious to guest pets, allowing them to use my home as their own, instead of hissing and spitting at visiting dogs, and screaming so loudly at other cats I scare everyone except the visiting cat.
